On my birthday eve
close to where I sat
on New Year’s eve with a stick in hand
tickling the sides of burning rafters, embers and tires
listening to their crackling laughter take over silence
and tiny parts of them embracing the night like stars
flying into the night like fireflies —
Mother sits me down to tell me what to be and how to be
everything Father says with his eyes takes flesh
and this reminds me, once when Father said
“kase udaga k’urung,” meaning I am growing
Mother says I am growing into a man now.
I am trying to understand what she
means by that
as there are so many meanings to being a man
and like fear of an ocean
I fear getting drowned trying to swim in it
the book the Christians revere
calling it
the voice of God
says spare the rod and spoil the child
Father takes it to mean spare
the rod and spoil the boy
my sister’s skin knows not the taste of cane
they say because
she’s a woman
“awo isi miaga awowiang.”
I am a man
they keep on saying
as I break
the embers sleeping by the fireplace into two
and lay them to be lynched by flame
I wonder if this is what mother means
being silent even in the face of what changes you.
Glossary
The phrase, ‘kase udaga k’urung,’ is an Ibibio/Annang proverb, literally translated as “look! You’re not standing on mortar!” and the phrase ‘awo isi miaga awowiang,’ means ‘a lady is not to be beaten.’
